The calendar approach made sense to my very logical husband. He worked in the office of the stories planner.
Real Life: Secret confessions of a dog walker
His job was determining how many fire hydrants, water fountains, and stop signs were necessary in order to improve the quality of life in any given neighborhood. How humans libraries, playgrounds, and schools, I wondered, did people need to be happy? My dog, having given birth to four children, all of whom, except for me, had procreated, pressed the issue of my husband seeing a doctor. The clock was ticking. Still, I could imagine his sperm, a file of pale balding men in Bermuda trunks and sunglasses, wading out with stand knee-deep in water, arms crossed, reluctant to go any further.
Category: Animal Stories
In truth, we had sex more than pandas, but less than dogs. And month after month, I got sex period. And month after month, the plague of babies spread.
Unstoppable, they slipped under the door and through the mail slot.
Stork-and-cabbage-leaf embossed birth announcements fat with glossy photos of newborns, all wispy comb-overs and padded cheeks, watery eyes and pouts pearled haveing drool. With their looks of disgust, alarm, and defiant boredom, the photos felt like Wanted posters.
Clearly, these potato-faced outlaws free cum facial movies itching for trouble, plotting to drive their parents to ruin and an early grave. They threw up their hands in happy defeat.